Joel Vernier

As I was preparing to slip into my “Comfy Chair,” I noticed a note written by my wife before she left to go play bridge with her friends. “Joel, you promised to clean out the garage, we can only get one car parked in it again.” This is an insidious form of nagging. I can actually hear the sound of her voice as I read this note, but I will not let it deter me from my planned nap. Feels like rain anyway today. I settled in for a rest and flipped on the local news channel to hear the Meteorologist’s weather prediction for today, I can use it for an excuse not to clean out the garage. If it’s too cold, too hot, raining, or snowing, I won’t have to clean out the garage. I pushed the remote and the television springs to life in all of its high definition glory. In a few moments, the meteorologist, the happiest, bubbliest, perkiest person on the newscast begins to speak about the prediction for the day. Indeed, they have a lot in common with politicians because they lie to us, and no one holds them accountable. I would love a job that you can be wrong 80 percent of the time and yet still keep your position. 

I was told that there were storms off to the east of us, but we would not have anything more than a few light showers after 5 p.m. today. Okay, it was 10 a.m., so I can’t use weather as a reason to not clean out the dumping ground, my garage. What is it about a garage, how in the world does it get so cluttered up with stuff. I clean it out several times a year, and vow to not let it get all cluttered up, but sure enough in a couple of months, it’s just loaded with stuff. It’s like a “stuff” magnet. It becomes its own geostructure capable of harboring various life forms. If the universe clutters up planets the way my garage does, I believe life can spring up anywhere, on any planet! In any solar system that has a “Goldilocks” zone. Class M planet they say on Star Trek.

I pulled out my car and began to take everything out of the garage and to sort place all the stuff on the driveway. I can figure out what needs to get pitched and what needs to be put away in a rational order. It took me two hours. I began to sweep the floor, and I heard a low rumble, I thought someone was launching a beefy speedboat at the launch across the bay from me; they always seem to rev up the motor to warm them up or show off in a loud fashion. Then I heard it louder and with more rumbles, I thought to myself, is that thunder? No, the Mediocre-ologist said no rain until tonight. Then my NIXIE Alert went off on my phone with a severe thunderstorm warning for my area. The skies burst open with a deluge of water, hail then winds, lightning, and extreme thunderclaps that made the garage door shake. I ran into the house and was greeted by my dogs looking terrorized by the sudden storm. In about 30 minutes, the storm passed. The power was out, and all of my garage items on the driveway were soaked. Another lame forecast by our weather person. Of course, they will not mention that they were wrong on tonight’s newscast. They will explain exactly what happened and why, how and type of clouds formed. Oh well, the good news is that I can’t put the stuff away that I had placed on the driveway, its soaking wet. I’ll just go and take a quick nap till it all dries out!

“Remember, every day is a gift! Some are just a little more fun to open than others. – © Joel M. Vernier 05/12/2020 Author of: “The Guinea Pig In The Freezer.” joelmvernier@aol.com.

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