Joel Vernier

I looked up at the clock; it was 1 p.m. and determined that I have time for a quick afternoon nap. My family is coming over for a BBQ later – summer is ending just in time for a few more cookouts. I will need my strength to cookout on the grill, after all, I will have to stand on my feet for an extended period of time and keep my eyes focused on not burning the meat. Whole house fan is on, shades are drawn, eyelids are getting heavy, breathing is getting slower, body temperature is increasing, and my nap is engaging.

Next, I feel as if I’m flying through the fog, then I noticed the fog is clearing up ahead: This can only mean “Time Travel!”. Still sitting in my “Comfy Chair,” I approached the clearing, I saw my old-time traveling friends “Ogg and Id.” They had just killed an antelope and had built a fire to keep themselves warm on this chilly day in the grassy savanna of Africa. As they quickly fell asleep from a very hard day hunting, I noticed that “Ogg” rolled over and kicked half of the antelope in the fire. 

I watched them sleep for about 15 minutes or so, and then they woke up startled to see half of the antelope in the fire. “Id” realized what “Ogg” had done and began grunting and kicking dirt on “Ogg” to show his displeasure. 

Afterwords they began to eat the antelope. They began with the raw uncooked part of the meat, and then begrudgingly, took a bite of the part that was cooked in the fire, the look on their faces was priceless, they truly loved it. Next, after they quickly swallowed and bit off some more cooked meat, they placed the rest of the meat on the fire to cook. 

This must have been the first BBQ! Actually, should time be determined by B.C./A.D. or BBQ?

Thus, began the hallowed and sacred rite of mankind to burn meat on a fire or as it is called today BBQ! 

I traveled forward in time to today, and I woke up with a renewed sense of my own destiny: To put meat on the grill! I carefully turned the burner controls to start and lit the propane burners; the fire whooshed forth, and I almost singed my eyebrows. After it warmed up, I scraped off the remnants of BBQs past and placed six pieces of meat on the grill, and the sizzling was an awesome sound signaling a feast is soon to come. The steaks began to burn over the hot artificial coals, the sweet smell of juicy steaks sizzling on the fire, I felt manly, my testosterone was flowing, I took a long swallow of my low-calorie beverage and let out a belch that “Ogg” and “Id” would have been proud of. 

I closed my eyes to savor the moment, and my wife came up behind me and said: “Don’t burn the steaks caveman!” 

How could she have known? Oh well, there went my ego and my fantasy of being the great hunter cooking his meat on the grassy savannah. “Ok, I’ll try not to burn them,” I replied. 

Ogg and Id would have been proud of me carrying on their tradition of cooking meat on an open fire or gas grill in this case. And then I thought to myself for just a moment; “Burn baby, burn!” just enough to seal in the juices of course. And after our feast of steaks, potato salad, baked beans, and watermelon, it was time for a nap.

“Remember, every day is a gift! Some are just a little more fun to open than others. – © Joel M. Vernier 2019 Author of: “The Guinea Pig In The Freezer.” joelmvernier@aol.com.

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